


Vid Heroes Had it Better... Maybe

by Niki



Series: Vid Heroes [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alien Flu, Banter, But Vega totally is, Concussion Flirting, Locked In, M/M, Nor is Kaidan, Shepard is not a Damsel in Distress, Trope Bingo Round 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-01
Updated: 2014-06-01
Packaged: 2018-01-27 20:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1722056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Niki/pseuds/Niki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“We've been abducted by aliens!”</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vid Heroes Had it Better... Maybe

**Author's Note:**

> Started for Hurt/Comfort Bingo February challenge: Falling, Alien abduction, Cuddling for warmth and Wild card: Restrained; finished for Trope bingo: Locked In
> 
> I _tried_ to make it all distressing and serious, but they just kept bantering.

“You remember those old vids on Earth?”

“I think you need to narrow it down a bit.”

“Before we knew aliens existed? About alien abductions?”

Kaidan groaned, realising where Shepard was going with this.

“We've been abducted by aliens!”

“How hard did they hit you on the head?”

“Enough that when I woke up cuddled up to a random guy my first idea was that it was morning after shore leave.”

“You... often wake up cuddled up to random guys after a night of drinking?”

“Not as often as I used to. Why, you want to get some distance now?”

“Even if I minded, I'm too attached to your warmth right now.”

“I see how it is, you only want me for my body.”

“Yes. Also, I _am_ still hand-cuffed to you.”

“So you're _really_ attached to my warmth.”

“Seriously, have you always had this bad a sense of humour?”

“I only take it out for special occasions. ...Wait, that sounded dirty.”

Kaidan was about to quip back something probably much too revealing but was prevented by a hacking cough from Shepard. Instinctively he pulled the other man even closer against his chest, their cuffed hands catching for a moment. 

While they hadn't actually been “cuddled up” when Kaidan woke up, they had been thrown in an inelegant pile in a corner of a cell, and he had then arranged them as well as he could after finding out the metal contraption linking their wrists together. He was the one awake and also the one with higher core temperature so he had taken the big spoon position, curling behind Shepard and... yeah, okay, cuddling him against his chest. 

So Shepard had, in fact, woken up in what might have felt like a compromising position. The revelation that it wasn't a new experience for the other man was something that might bear revisiting on a later date. For now, however, Kaidan was too worried about Shepard's condition to spare more than a few seconds of wistful thinking into its direction.

“Shepard... how bad is your head?” he asked, voice lower, making it clear he wouldn't continue the banter.

“I may have... hit it a bit.”

“A _bit_?”

“I got paralysed, I think? Not slow like with biotics, and I fell like ton of bricks. Hit my head on the ground. I don't suppose there's a sort of buzzing sound in the background?”

“No...”

“Sounds surprisingly like the Normandy's drive core.”

“I wouldn't describe that as a buzzing sound.”

“You've been talking with Tali.”

“...maybe. Let's get back to that headache.”

“You're worse than Chakwas.”

“John, please.”

“John? Am I dying?”

“Please, can you take this seriously for a second? For me?”

“I take this very seriously. I'm just pissed off that here I am, finally in your arms, and I have the headache from hell and a goddamn cough and I can't even appreciate it.”

“I promise to hold you any time, any place, if you just tell me your symptoms now, okay?”

Kaidan knew better than to take concussion flirting seriously but damn, it was harder than it had ever been to... though getting easier every time Shepard coughed.

“Are you cold?”

“...maybe? I feel like... have you ever had the 'flu?”

“No. I didn't know it existed any more.”

“Well, I spent my childhood in the streets and slums. I've had all sorts of illnesses you'd only have read about in the history books. Among them, 'flu. I feel like that. Shivery, sick – like hangover but without the memories of the great night.”

“Could all be caused by the concussion but I'm worried about that cough.”

“Doesn't feel too good where I'm standing either. Well, lying.”

Kaidan considered the concussion field tests but he didn't want to move from his position as Shepard's hot water bottle, or make the other man sit up without good reason. Their position wouldn't get any better because he had nothing to use to help the other man besides his body. Time to think of other things.

“Did anyone witness your... alien abduction?”

“I think I was talking with Vega a little before? And I think I recall hearing Garrus when I fell... you?”

“I was returning to the Normandy from my errands and... I think I was on the docks already? But they're all guarded.”

“Batarians?”

“Oh yeah. The bad alien villains of any two-bit vid.”

“I think those guys back then looked more like salarians.”

“How did the heroes escape?”

“I didn't actually ever see a whole vid, just those short ads you'd get for free.”

“So we're on our own.”

“I'm afraid so. Our weapons are obviously missing, and I think if I had anything useful in my pockets it's long gone. You?”

“Not even a half-eaten protein bar.”

“The door reinforced? Could you get through?”

“I, uhh, haven't wanted to try. They ripped my amp out none too gently, and after the whole Mars thing I have to be a little careful with...”

Shepard tried to turn at that, but both Kaidan's grip and the awkward positioning of their bound hands stopped him in his tracks.

“Are _you_ okay? Dammit, Kaidan, I didn't even ask...” 

“Relax, I'm fine. Well, considering. I had a softer landing. And I haven't contracted alien 'flu.”

“It would be batarian germs.”

“Well, don't quote me on that, I'm just a field medic. Basically that just means I am trained on how much medigel to use and where.”

“A bit more than that.” 

Kaidan almost wished Shepard would go back to the light banter because it was easier to stop thinking about their relative positions that way than when he had that undercurrent of... trust? Admiration? In his voice.

“So what it all boils down to is we hope Vega and Garrus are not in an adjoining cell, but busily fighting their way in to release us.”

“I don't know... can you imagine them being hand-cuffed together? I might almost wish for that purely for the entertainment value. As long as someone else is going to show up to save us while we all play the damsel in distress.”

“I bet that's one role you didn't think you you'd be filling during this shore leave.”

“Well, I can at least tell you I never pictured Garrus _or_ Vega as my conquering hero.”

The words were in line with their earlier banter but the look in Shepard's eyes when he looked at Kaidan over his shoulder was so, so serious, and Kaidan was trying to remind himself that the man was ill, concussed, and wouldn't probably remember this when they got out and...

And someone knocked on the door. 

Knocked. On their cell door. 

“Come in,” Shepard shouted, cheerily, then shrugged when Kaidan stared at him with what must have been a fairly incredulous expression. “What, it never hurts to be polite.”

The door opened with a controlled explosion, and what do you know, it was Vega grinning on the other side. 

“I hear someone ordered a knight in shining armour.”

“ _Not_ a damsel in distress,” Shepard pointed out as he and Kaidan tried to untangle enough to get up from the floor.

“Aww, not the saviour you were expecting?” Vega asked with mock sympathy while moving forward to help them up. 

“Not a saviour at all,” Garrus explained from the door. Was that a cuff around his wrist? “EDI is the only hero today.”

“And much shinier than the rest of us,” Vega agreed, not ruffled at all by the truth coming out. 

“In that case,” Shepard said, “my hero is the one who kept me warm and safe.” 

He then proceeded to kiss Kaidan quite thoroughly. “Not going to forget that one,” he promised, and Kaidan pulled him in for another kiss by their still hand-cuffed hands.


End file.
